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• Posted September 30, 2024

What Do Families Fight About Most? New Study Finds Out

In a world where families may be more apt to interact with technology than with one another, some things never change.

Many still struggle to get along. But just what do 21st century families fight about?

A new survey of 593 parents with at least one child between the ages of 4 and 17 offers some clues — and the flashpoints are very familiar.

For couples, communication is No. 1. They're also clashing about issues like mood, parenting, money and whose turn it is to take out the trash or do other chores.

"Think about how much relationships in our world have changed in the last 50 years, with massive cultural and technological shifts," said study co-author Allen Barton, an assistant professor of human development and family studies at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. 

"Interestingly, despite all these changes, couples still seem to argue about the same things," he added in a university news release. "This suggests there are some fundamental aspects for what it takes to make a romantic relationship last."

Parents and teens, meanwhile, have added technology and cellphone use to the traditional clashes over chores and messy rooms. But perennial issues such as bedtime delays, obeying instructions and picky eating remain the biggest battles between parents and younger kids.

"These struggles appear to be common across different types of families," Barton said. 

In their couple relationship, women reported higher severity than men for communication, moods and tempers, parenting and household chores. That's consistent with prior research that has shown women are often more attuned to relationship issues than men, the authors said.

"Many studies have documented the impact of conflict on family relationships, but most of those have looked at how the conflict is managed rather than what family members are discussing," said lead author Noah Larsen, a graduate student in human development and family studies.

For topics of conflict that appeared across multiple family relationships, Larsen and Barton found that battle lines were often more severe for couples than for parents and kids. That, they said, suggests a unique intensity to conflict topics when they appear in a marital or romantic relationship. 

This added severity of conflict between romantic partners was most striking with regard to money, communication, showing affection and spending time together.

"This information about common sources of strife can help couples and families better anticipate and prepare for conflict, and it highlights to families dealing with these issues that they are not alone in what they are going through," Barton said. 

The findings were recently published in the Journal of Family Issues.

More information

The nonprofit Jed Foundation shares tips for resolving family conflicts.

SOURCE: University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign, news release, Sept. 26, 2024